From darkness to brilliance: confronting depression and loneliness
Before I was so happy with my life. Everyday was just wonderful and full of joy, even if my dad had left me. I could appreciate every blessing in my life. I was so happy because my friends and family were all there. My life was so awesome even if I was missing my dad. Then, one day my mom found someone but he died soon and I could not spend enough time with him. I was full of regret. Moreover, I later fell in love with a girl. She was the love of my life, to who I was so attached. She meant a lot to me and made me feel so special. However, she then started to change and became more distant with me, until she left me. From this time, all the happiness was gone. I stopped everything in my life such as school and training. I felt a void in my heart. The depression started. I started to isolate myself, stopped eating and drinking properly. I was just crying and crying.
Then time passed and I started to get over it but the pain was still here. Sometimes later I fell in love again and she too dumped me. Everytime I fell in love with someone or by just being close, they would leave me. Time passed and I started to get a feeling of emptiness and sadness. I started to drink alcohol to forget all the pain. I was so angry and was crying a lot too, up to the point that I thought I was a failure. I believed I would not succeed in anything, asking myself everyday "why always me", and thinking that I was not good enough for anybody. Why me... being in pain all the time?. I believed it was the good guys, and not the bad ones, who always gets hurt. I distanced myself from others. Sometimes the pain was too strong to control and I had to be alone to get over it but people around me would not understand. They would scold me, particularly my mother. A member of my family even told me that all the pain I had was 'fake'.
The pain grew in me and I fell in complete darkness. I was scared and no longer trusted anybody. I neither wanted others to help because previously I was able to confront my problems on my own. However, this time, I was in so much pain and did not have enough courage and strength. I could no longer fight anymore. I could not take it anymore. I was too afraid to tell others about my problems because I feared they would judge or critisise me, and would not understand.
One member of my family noticed my difficulties. She took me to a therapist. The first day I was scared since it was difficult to tell him about my problems and it was equally difficult to open to someone again because, in my mind, he might judge me. However, as time passed, I found that I was rather relaxed throughout all our sessions, because when we tell about our problems we really feel more comfortable. Everything the therapist did was so consoling and useful and it helped me so much. What he told me made me stronger. He guided me and I started to get better like I was a new born. Everything started to get better and better. He helped me to confront my problems. My life went from complete darkness to brilliance. It helped me to tell about my problems and to ask for the help I needed.
To all people who suffer from depression, I know it is difficult and that you are sad. But trust me. Ask for help because if you stay in the situation you are you might never get better. Do not stay in those negativities because perhaps other opportunities will present in your life but you might leave them as you have been dwelling so much in the depression. Be courageous and keep it in mind that you are not alone. The depression is only temporary, just as is life. If there are people who decide to abandon you without any good reason, let them go, because it only means that your future is not meant to be attached to them. My life is now better than before even if there are ups and downs. I am now in a process of change to become someone better.